Coping with Mother's Day While Struggling with Infertility
These beautiful words of wisdom below were written by our Practice Assistant, Lisa. Lisa is a wonderful addition to our practice, and we're so glad she has recently joined us. She draws from her personal experiences of infertility and role as a Resolve Peer-led Support Group Leader.
Mother’s Day can be a particularly challenging and heartbreaking day for women who are struggling to conceive. If you are undergoing fertility treatment or trying to conceive without success, you may have already noticed some anxiety building up in the days before Mother’s Day. While there’s no denying that the holiday can be a painful reminder of what you are missing, here are a few tips on how to make the day a little bit easier for you.
Recognize Your Feelings
Acknowledge what you’re feeling- whatever it may be. It is normal and expected that a day to honor and celebrate the title which you have been yearning and struggling for can affect you emotionally in any number of ways: sadness, anger, resentment, jealousy - it’s all normal and it’s all okay. You don’t have to hide it and put on a brave face for others today. Write in your journal, talk to your partner, a friend, a therapist, or someone else who you think will understand.
Pamper Yourself a Bit
Accept that it’s a tough day, and indulge in a little self-care, whatever that means for you. It could be a nice massage, manicure/pedicure, a gym class, or anything else that makes you feel good about yourself.
In the days approaching Mother’s Day, and on that day, surround yourself with friends who you know will help your mood. Plan a special date night with your partner for the Friday or Saturday night prior.
Give Yourself Permissions to Do (or Not Do) What Feels Best
If you’re feeling vulnerable in the week before, say no to plans you don’t feel up to, such as an invite to a baby shower or kid’s birthday party.
You may still want (or need) to celebrate your mom, but you can offer or suggest doing so in a way that makes it easier on you. You don’t have to go out to brunch at a location where you know there will be tons of moms celebrating with their kids. You could suggest a restaurant that caters to a more adult crowd, a spa day, or you could even host brunch at your house.
Remember it’s Just Another Day
About halfway through my infertility struggle, this was something I began telling myself on days that I found especially emotionally jarring - Mother’s Day, other holidays, days that would have been a due date had an earlier procedure been successful. I knew I wanted a baby yesterday, and today, and I would still want one tomorrow. So a holiday was really no different. It doesn’t make everyday easier, but it took a little of the “edge” off days like Mother’s Day.
Realize You are Not Alone
Connect with others in the infertility community. If you are already part of a support group, either online or in person, lean on, and lend support to those who are going through something similar. If you are not yet connected to the infertility community, consider becoming connected as a gift to yourself today. You can search for your local Resolve Chapter, ask your clinic if they can recommend a support group, or search on social media by your location. Some of my closest friendships were formed out of a shared struggle, and most women who join support groups benefit greatly from the camaraderie.
To all the women out there who are struggling to become moms, please celebrate and honor yourself for all the steps you have taken thus far on your journey, and those that you will continue to take. I hope you may you find some comfort this Mother’s Day, and that next Mother’s Day may be different.
If you are in need of support right now, please get in touch with us today to schedule an appointment. Postpartum Health & Harmony is here for you, ready to offer guidance and a place where you can sort out all your emotions.